During 2018, my heart ached in ways I couldn’t possibly imagine not could I handle alone. My road to what was sure to be my own death was imminent. But every day I logged in to my Facebook account and there was today’s post from Scott...Always reminding me of God’s love. I reached out to him to thank him for doing this because you never know who needs to see it. He extended his friendship and from there we moved forward. While my love for Larry was/is still there and despite my inability to hate him for all he had done to me, our family and future, Scott loved me anyway. He loved me for me. He understood. He gives me space to mourn, grow, and displays a loving faithfulness in God that is unlike anything I’ve ever known. When my divorce was finalized (a day I cried so hard, I actually had a black eye from wiping my tears away), he asked me to marry him. I wasn’t sure I could do this again. Could I trust another with the remaining dusty pieces of my heart? But I knew that God brought him into my life for a reason and I had to have faith. I had to keep moving forward or I wouldn’t move at all. I said “yes”. Still scared to my core, the day came to finalize the transition from “Evelyn Anderson” to “Evelyn Muller”. My children had been so supportive and my beloved stepson of 29 years actually gave me away.
I’ve never had an experience that felt so right or happy (outside of the birth of my children/grandchildren) and was amazed by the people who showed up to support us. During the ceremony, Scott was supposed to “repeat after me” (his brother officiated the wedding) and instead of repeating after him, Scott kept saying “YES!” It was so beautifully funny and this picture was taken. I absolutely love it:
That is a exactly why I knew it was the right decision to make. He makes me laugh when nothing else could. He says he loves me “As far as the East is from the West” and we have matching tattoos of opposing arrows. It’s truly amazing. We even presented all of our children (I’ve gained a beautiful step daughter, Emily ❤️❤️) as a promise to encourage the love for all their family members, to do our best to realize how much divorce effects them as they never asked for such pain and that marriage is more than what society presents. It’s a commitment not a fashion statement.
My life is still a complicated pile of painful emotions and divorce is truly a “death that keeps on giving” but I know in my heart I did all I could do and in the end I can hold my head high. God knows how much I loved Larry. How hard I tried to save my marriage and that I believed with God anything could be worked out. Not everyone is willing to work that hard for what is right. I recently discovered that he had been planning/contemplating to divorce me for about a year. A fact I was completely unaware of but made perfect sense. No more children at home, a condo to place me in and the freedom to leave. I believed we would be working on our relationship with some space apart, signed what I believed to be a “post nuptial agreement” which actually turned out to be a divorce agreement. Everything I ever thought was real was not but again I can say, I can hold my head high. I still love him enough to wish him happiness, health, and to make every effort to mutually co-parent our children (grown or not) as best as I am capable. I pray every single day for strength, for growth, and the ability to understand what lessons God has intended for me to learn from this. I’ve made mistakes and will remedy them immediately but by far Scott is a blessing I never saw coming.
Thank you for loving me sweetheart. Thank you for allowing me to be “ME”!
Please welcome our blended family:
